Another thing that bothers me

And then there are those times when I feel a dire uncontrollable wanting to have the power to turn back time. During those times, I think so hard that, for a fleeting moment, I convince myself that I can. I go back to different parts of the past and make all those changes. Then I'm left wondering the repercussions of things I would change and making those different permutations of effects by those decisions. It's chronic malignancy on my personality that will probably still be with there decades later. I get a form of comfort and catharsis in these moments but sometimes I feel like I'm getting less than for the time I have bargained. Sometimes it just gets so bad that I tell the universe to grant me this one wish, even if I just go back to somewhere not far back, like earlier this year. I beg so hard that I start breathing uneasily.