Saturday, August 30, 2008

That so called mistake

We all move towards death on our own volition, our own time and own routes; just like we have our own pains, losses and weaknesses. There is no mistake because that only leads to judgement and judgement to anger and resentment. There is simply action and reaction.
The ones that came before us have already wasted so much on selfish pride, anger and prejudice caused by cowardice. I'm going to start the change I want in myself. No longer will I waste energy in this universe spent on judging and being angry about things I cannot change.

Friday, August 8, 2008


I haven't cried yet. Not just yet. I'm scared that if I start to let just even a single tear, I might never stop crying. I've got so much more project to finish. So many deadlines to meet. But I feel so tired. I just want to go to a place away from everyone and cry my eyeballs out. It's futile to regret, I know. I just want to let out all the things I've held in. I feel like so many things led up to this and this isn't the only thing I want to cry about. For all those times I cried, not even knowing what I was crying about, when I just lived day to day like a lone nomad knocking on who's ever pants would drop down for me. For how I could've ruined someone special's life when it was just starting. For all the decisions I made mechanically. I can't blame anyone. It's my fatal flaw. It's not the end, I know. But it's definitely a big change.