I had a very interesting professor this term for PHILOMA. When I first saw him during first day of class, I had this impression that he was this smart adventurer. He dressed like it; casually fitted button down short sleeves and slacks, and the kind of rugged leather shoes mountain climbers wear. He was from another region hence his regional accent, which I can understand. It can't be helped. I was never one to measure a person by the person's accent but rather what the person says.
But as the term went on, I developed a distaste for his lectures which he often conducted by reading from a textbook most of the time. I hated his method. I didn't understand why he did that when he seemed like such a smart guy when he introduced the course. There were times that I gave snide remarks and snorts of stifled laughter when he would say something. But he never reprimanded me. He just smiled every time.
During midterms, it was expected that I would flunk his subject. I didn't study because I felt discouraged to do so. I flunked his exam and so did majority of the class because none of us paid him attention he deserved. We all probably thought he was an idiot for different reasons. I was just the one most apparent about it. I would've flunked his subject along the rest of my classmates but he didn't flunk us or just me for that matter. I don't know if it's because he was scared of us or he just wanted us to like him but I'm pretty sure it's something else. Because of all times my young, naîve juvenile classmates were all overpowering his voice with their small talks, he never did once flare up or lost his temper. He was always calm and very diplomatic.
After the midterms, things got a little better between the two of us. I felt bad that he even gave me a 2.5 for my midterm grade despite my lack of enthusiasm. When we reached the topic of Buddhism and other eastern philosophies, his lectures started to change. We started having small debates about this exotic and seemingly foreign beliefs that fascinated me. I took a special interest in Buddhism.
What I particularly liked about Buddhism was its idea of an afterlife. It was never the kind of place where in everything is perfect as how the modern Christian belief of heaven has now evolved. Nirvana was something else. The idea of Nirvana is being finally moving in perfect synchronicity with the universe after being reincarnated so many times and acquiring all these different points of views with each life you have lived. It's about understanding enough to relieve the pain in the world. It's like having courage to dive in after a brief moment of fear.
Buddhism as I've come to understand is a kind of belief that doesn't lay judgement on people. It doesn't deem one man's action as a sin but rather explains it as something that causes harmful reactions. I think the idea of sin is a trap for judgement and judgement always brings about anger no matter how we try to deny it.
It striked me that perhaps this is why this man, my professor, remains so calm. When he handed me back my term paper and told us all that we are all, again, supposed to flunk for our final grades but he's adjusting the grading system for at least most of us to pass. I know that's the kind of practice that tolerates laziness and mediocrity but for the better part of his subject, I think I've learned so much. I have never met a person who's ever caused me to feel so much shame without even lifting a finger or uttering a single word with that intent.
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